by

Keith Planit

Hellos & good days and please set yourself down and prepare to enjoy the colorful tale to which you will, er, that is, of which I will, um, ah, and oh goodness! Befudgeled already! Well, allow me to simply say this may very possibly most certainly be the best story about ice cream I know. . .

Jimmy loved ice cream more than almost anything else in this whole entire delicious world! Why, goodness, it had been that way since he a was mere lad. Now a bit older, Jimmy's passion for ice cream seemed to have grown with him, until one very special hot summer day!

Throughout the years, when Ralph, the good-hearted ice cream man making his daily visit, would come around Jimmy's town in his wondrously magical truck, all the kids in town would let Jimmy order first. No-no and not just because they knew how much Jimmy loved ice cream, but because Jimmy always had a sense about what was good each day. . .

"Pleasant day & cheery smiles abound, Jimmy!" Said Ralph as his truck spun a full three-hundred-sixty degrees around before coming to a full stop (with the side serving window facing young Jim). "You just wait right here for a moment and work that magic of yours trying to decide what all the boys and girls would like today. And I'll be with you in just a few seconds!"

With that, the ice cream truck rose in the air, a tower made of sugar cone expanding beneath it. Colored sprinkles shot out over the kids as ice cream slides, leading all the way back down to the street, popped out the windows of the truck.

The ice cream-craving kids rose up the ice cream cone elevator and came down the three icy slides. Some even licked the ride as they slid their way back to the street, and you can bet a bellyful of jelly beans it was super-delicious!

Then, after all the children had a turn on the luscious slides, the cone broke into tiny pieces, which the merry throng gladly devoured they did, they did indeed! The ice slides dropped to the ground (The hot summer sun would melt them away.). Quickly, the ice cream truck was back in front of Jimmy.

"Woh-ho, what do you think you might like today?" Bellowed the mysterious Ralph.

The children in town took that as their cue and crowded around Jimmy, awaiting his always on-the-nose answer.

Ralph leaned forward holding two ice cream bars. "Hey-hey-ho, Jimmy m' boy, I've got two new items! The creamy Orange Melt-Pop and the Apple Turnover Tortoise Stick! Yummers and smackety-smack, how do those sound?"

Jimmy's eyes shut, almost as if he were able to taste the treats by simply thinking about them. The crowd of children waited patiently.

One eye ever-so-slowly peeled itself open, and Jimmy said: "Naw."

Ralph was undeterred by the devastating response, which could very well mean the end of the world as we know it, for Jimmy so loved ice cream just the day before, and Ralph was certain a Melt-pop would be a ticket into ice cream-licking kid-Heaven with all the little rascals merrily careening around town.

The white-capped man reached into the truck again and grabbed some more items: "Okey-madokey! Well then, how about the luscious Craw Fish Cone or a Nutty-Crusty? No? How then can you resist a Low-Fat Turkey Burger Stick, the Caramel Brain Bar or the all new Potato Chips & Ice Cream Freeze Pop?"

By this point the townskids were smacking their lips and wiping sweat from their brow in anticipation of Jimmy's choice.

But all Jimmy said was, "Naa."

The puzzling ice cream man, puzzled by Jimmy, rubbed his chin for a moment. "Well, Jimmy," he exclaimed, "I do have some new flavors!"

Ralph started piling large buckets of ice cream in front of his serving window, screaming out the names.

"I've got Chocolate Loopy Cocoa and Cranberry Crunch!" Ralph announced. "Oh-ho! And Peanut Fudge Mushy Gushy Crunch Freezy Swirl! Hee-hee! I've got Black Shellac Cherry Berry Sherbert! Mmm, Dark White Chocolate-Tinted Candy Cream! And, last but not the least, Cotton Candy-Coated Sugar Flavored Marshmallow-- with oats!"

The kids tongues were hanging out of their mouths, but all Jimmy said was, "Nah." And he walked solemnly, even quietly, back to his house.

And in this building which we refer to as "his house," Malty, barking and wagging his tail (as, after all, he is a dog), ran up to Jimmy to lick his best friend's face.

"Aw, Malty, what can I do to get Honey to like me?"

Malty, in response, barked and scratched on the door to go outside-- mind you, deary-o reader, I am of the belief he was not truly answering little Jimmy-o's question!

But, ah, I know what question holds your thoughts: "Who in the great name of Heinrich Z. Fudgeman is Honey?!" Honey was a girl in the next town that Jimmy, and I dare not belittle the little man's feeling for the young lady, but I shall simply state, he liked her a lot. He thought she was the most wonderful girl he had ever known, but she didn't seem to be interested in Jimmy, who was always trying to impress her.

"Yeah, I know, you wanna' go outside," said Jimmy to the lightly-colored furball of a dog. "You always want to go outside. . ." Jimmy grabbed Malty's leash, "Come on, fella', we'll go see Honey!"

"Jimmy?" Came the voice of his mom from upstairs. "Are you walking around the house with ice cream all over you?"

"No, mom," said Jimmy as he brought Malty to the back door, "I didn't get any ice cream today!"

With speed by which mighty Mercury would be mightily amazed, Jimmy's mom was down the stairs with a thermometer in Jimmy's mouth and her hand on his head. "Are you feeling all right?" She questioned the querysome boy.

"Yeah, ma, I'm just not in the mood. Come on, Honey," Jimmy said to his dog. "I mean, uh, Malty." And with that, Jimmy exited.

His mom, wise to the ways of the heart, smiled as she watched him leave.

So away Jimmy went upon his Berry Bicycle, called such simply because he once most-accidentally drove it into a berry patch, and, still to this very day why even today, the smell of berries has yet to be washed away. Malty led, with Jimmy and the bicycle in tow.

All the bitter kids in town were eating their sort of sweet ice creams. Very few of the children were enjoying what they had, being stuck with the likes of a Tin Can Pop, the Spinning Spider Saliva Stick or a Cardboard Cream Cone. And they blamed Jimmy for their troubles. Each and every child in the town ended up throwing their ice cream on the ground in anger-- a practice of which Ralph the ice cream man did not in any way no how no way approve, nosiree! And oh my sherbet & cherries, all that ice cream piled up faster than the hot summer sun could melt it away!

Jimmy and Malty quickly escaped the angry mob of neighbors, soon catching up with wizardy Ralph in his ice cream truck.

"Well, hello there, Jimmy! Headed somewhere, are we?" Asked Ralph, partially covered in melted and dried ice cream.

"Just away from town."

"Oh my! Yes, well, all your friends seemed a little upset with us and today's ice cream. I just wish they wouldn't throw it around like that though."

"Me neither. . .I'm sorry, Ralph, I've gotta get going!"

"See you tomorrow, Jimmy!" Ralph gave Jimmy a good-bye salute as Jimmy and Malty sped up.

In the next town, Jimmy stopped over at Honey's house. The boy spotted her. And there she sat, sitting outside, on a little lounge chair she sat. Laying down really. Maybe "reclined" is the word for the little girl who sat so quietly reading her book, enjoying her dessert. Yes, there we go. . . And enjoying a dessert cup filled with a small scoop of vanilla ice cream she was! Enjoying that paltry, plain little cup, her golden-blonde hair resting on one shoulder in a pony-tail.

Jimmy's thoughts now in order, he climbed off the bicycle and shouted over to her. "Hi, Honey!"

"Oh, hello Jimmy!" She seemed genuinely happy to see him. "What brings you here?"

"Er, uh, gee, I, um. . ." Jimmy stammered trying to think of something which would impress her. "I was thinking of joining the football team when we go back to school this fall," he said noticing a football laying in the yard.

"Really? I didn't know you played football!"

"Are you kidding? I'm terrific!" Jimmy was angry at himself for lying, but, willickers and gee-whiz, how he wanted so badly to impress Honey.

"Wow, Jimmy, that's neat! Hey, you want some ice cream?"

Jimmy looked at the cup. "Plain vanilla?" The master of all creams frozen wondered. Astounded, Jimmy took a closer look. "Don't you have nuts or whipped cream?"

"No," said Honey with a slight giggle.

"You mean, it's just plain?" He asked again, still amazed.

"Well, sure," Honey said simply.

Jimmy tilted his head and scratched his nose (Malty did the same.). "So there's no candy or fudge or crunchies or syrup or fruits or cookies or toys or pretzels or cake or flavorings of any kind or anything at all no where anyplace?!"

"Of course not, Jimmy! That's all kid stuff!"

Jimmy's eyebrows raised at that. "I agree completely," he lied.

The next day, Ralph again arrived, as he did for every next day afterwards but let us not skip forward, for forward-skipping will confound this already confused narrator!

A beam of chocolate & vanilla swirl was shooting out the back of Ralph's truck, propelling the ice cream man and his verily mystical vehicle around the block. When the truck turned off the road to stop by Jimmy, Ralph took a peek out a not-so-yonder window at his creation: a life-size circle maze, made from ice cream, in which all the kids may wander deliciously around!

"Howdy do, Jimmy! Got any preferences today?" Ralph leaned forward with a wide grin upon his face.

"Uh. Not really."

The kids, still angry from yesterday, moved in towards Jimmy and the truck. Malty tugged on Jimmy's pant leg.

Ralph whispered to the former ice cream-lover, "Aww, come on, Jimmy, pick something." Ralph stood up and shouted to the crowd, and to Jimmy, "Okay girls and boys! Let us do the zip-ah-dee-do and see for ice cream's sake what sort of ice cream we see today!" He reached into his truck and displayed to the kids a whole bunch of new ice creams: "You can have the Double Loop Drip Drop! Or, ah-ha, I've got a Blue-Coated Boysenberry Purple Bear Bumpercrop Pop! Or, mmmm, how about a cool cup of Chipped Chocolate Chip Chocolate Chipped Tooth Chew?"

Jimmy looked down. All he could say was, "No thanks." And he and Malty walked back to the house.

And that day, when the kids tasted their Pistachio & Spam Sticks, their cups of frothy Hickory-Smoked Hops-Flavored Chocolate Chicken Fudge and their Minced Glass & Fruity Grass-Tasting Tofu Bars, they winced, and, all at once, each and every boy and girl threw their ice cream on the ground in angry protest.

Later, Jimmy rode out on his bicycle to go see Honey, Malty stayed in the front yard, to play in the ice cream which was beginning to overtake the little hamlet. This town was virtually covered since nobody was eating any of it, by goodness!

After a few more days of "cruddy" creamy cups and "dreary" dipped-cones (These not being descriptions Ralph himself would use to describe his delectable desserts!), and yet a few more days more of Jimmy's utter refusal to take joy in what it was he most-definitely enjoyed most (Tasting the treats of ice cream, you see.), Jimmy again passed Ralph as he rode along to Honey's place . . .

"We-e-ell, hello again, Jimmy!"

"Hi, Ralph," Jimmy said quietly.

"Now-now, why the long face, old friend?"

Jimmy pulled his bicycle over to Ralph's truck. "How come you don't go over into that town with your ice cream?" Jimmy asked pointing towards the neighboring town where Honey lived.

"Ah, well, that town's not on my route. Nope, it's out of my jurisdiction," explained the ice cream man. "Why don't you bring them some of my ice cream, hm?"

"Aw, Ralph, you know I don't eat any of your ice cream any more. All that is--"

Ralph interrupted Jimmy, "'Kid stuff.' I know."

"Ralph, can I ask you another question?"

"Oh, well, I believe you just did. But go ahead and shoot! Ask me one more!" Ralph said, grabbing a Coconut Custard Cream-Covered Cakey Cone for he himself to enjoy for a moment.

"Well," said Jimmy hesitantly, "I'm not sure how to say this, but maybe you should stop making ice cream rides and ice cream games in my town. No one's eaten any, and it's all just piling up." Jimmy motioned back to his town where the flavors were indeed beginning to pile up and overpower the summer sun!

Ralph thought real hard for a moment, then laughed a loud, hearty laugh, "Ha-ha-haaahhh!! Oh, bip 'n' boo and a pouty-tout-tout! Now, Jimmy, my little pal, that would mean I would have to stop being me! And not for goo in my shoe, would I ever and no way do that for any reason!"

With that, Jimmy shrugged crankily and rode off to Honey's house.