Man (missing a shoe): Hello.

Shoe Guy: Yes, may I help you?

Man: I dropped off a shoe to be fixed more than three days ago, and when I called this morning, I was told it should be ready this afternoon.

Shoe Guy: Is this a shoe emergency?

Man: A What?

Shoe Guy: A shoe emergency -- is it life or death?

Man: Well, I am walking with an awful limp.

Shoe Guy: Oh come now, you know as well as I that that wouldn't consitute an emergency.

Man: No, I guess it wouldn't...But wait a second, I've been waiting three days for my shoe, I can't walk around this way forever!

Shoe Guy: No, I'd assume not. Would you be interested in getting another shoe for that foot?

Man: Well yes! I'd like the shoe I brought in!

Shoe Guy: Ah. Could I possibly see the shoe you currently have on your foot?

Man: Um, uh, sure, sure, I guess so, if it'll help.

Shoe Guy: Oh, it will.

(Man gives Shoe Guy his shoe; Shoe Guy starts off)

Man: If it helps, you werre fixing a problem, with the--

(Shoe Guy returns empty-handed)

Shoe Guy: Hello! May I help you?

Man: What?

Shoe Guy: What can I do for you today, sir?

Man: Y-you have my shoes!

Shoe Guy: So you’d like to purchase a pair of shoes then?

Man (appalled): I WOULD NOT, I want the pair of shoes you have in the back room -- MY pair of shoes!

Shoe Guy: Sir, please mind the other customers (Man looks around the empty shop), there is no reason to raise your voice.

Man: I will certainly raise my voice...I want my shoes back!

Shoe Guy: Now, sir, the other customers aren't yelling and screaming to get their shoes, so--

Man: There are no other customers! Stop saying there are other customers!!

Shoe Guy: Well! There is no need for you to get insulting! I'm just a small business owner, trying to pay his rent -- I'm SO sorry that I'm not wearing a fancy suit and have an expensive haircut and wear designer cologne...I can't possibly measure up to the wonder that is you!

Man: The wonder that is me...?

Guy: Oh, sure, rub it in!

Man: Will you stop it!

Shoe Guy: Please, if you can lower your voice for a moment and calmly tell me what it is you're looking for.

(Man pauses for a long time)

Man: My ticket! Ah-ha!! My ticket! (digs into pockets) I've got it here somewhere!...There we go!! Yes, could you bring me the shoes which go with this ticket, please?

(Shoe Guy pauses)

Shoe Guy: ...May I see it?

Man (simply): Oh sure.

(Shoe Guy walks off...returns with one shoe, the OTHER shoe)

Shoe Guy: There you go, sir!

(Man reacts, then looks at shoe)

Man: You didn't even fix it! The leather's still peeling!

Shoe Guy: Well, sir, if you want it fixed it'll have to stay another day or so.

Man: I JUST WANT MY SHOES!

Shoe Guy: Please, the other customers...

Man: THERE ARE NO OTHER CUSTOMERS!! I want the matching shoe!

Shoe Guy: I'll take a look around in the back, maybe we've got something laying around.

Man: (sarcastic) Thank you.

(Man looks around, annoyed, Shoe Guy casually takes his shoe as he walks to the back...he soon returns)

Shoe Guy: Hello! May I help you?

Man (angrier now): I...am looking for the pair of shoes...I once wore upon my feet, which are now bare!!

Shoe Guy: Please, Sir! My wife is pregnant!!

Man: What?

Shoe Guy: My wife, sir, she is in a delicate condition.

(Man looks around for wife)

Man: But I don't see--

Shoe Guy: I'd think you'd behave better what with my wife bearing child!...

Man: But--

Shoe Guy (cont'd): Now, good day sir!!

Man: But--

Shoe Guy (cont'): I believe I said "good day"!

Man walks out, shoeless and baffled...Shoe Guy goes back to shining some random shoe...A Woman walks in, limping...

Shoe Guy: Hello, Madam! And what can i help you with today?