I know there are a few who call my Great Assembly by other appellations. It makes me laugh -- well, it all makes me laugh, but I have heard numerous names, all meant to be derogatory. However, I find "amusing" is more apt. There are a cadre of people who -- and please don’t mind my manners, they’re atrocious -- christened it the "Hellhole," which I enjoy. I have heard "the final resting place," -- referring to the fact that few ever come out -- "the toolbox," -- which someone decided was fitting because of the supposéd myriad torture devices I use upon my guests -- "fear central," -- quite pedestrian -- and, my favorite, "Baldie’s Mountain" -- oh!, the defiance!

(Yes, yes, they have names for me as well, but, gracious, I have not the time nor interest in discussing such terms as "the Great Ass’s Great Assembly" and other juvenile preoccupations of the doomed.)

There was a time in my life when I owned a, well, a business or something. Many centuries before it was the hip, Generation Me thing to do. I sought out business ventures for others. I exploited these businesses, by finding ways to make them exploit themselves, then purchased them, always with a financial partner who would -- and I loved this part if I recall -- front most of the monies and have a strong knowledge of that particular industry. We’d share in the glorious profits afterwards. . .these "buy-outs," long before the United States had its NYSE, also helped eliminate competition. The real details are few and far between, to be sure, but I can indubitably say with utter confidence: "I was ahead of my time." Yes, yes, many of the whos, whats, wheres, and whys may forever remain unclear, but some pieces come to me in the dread of night. he can stop these dreams no easier than he was able to stop my natural predilection for gaining trust and power.

(See why I laugh?)

"he," by the way, is who you think. him. The "creator." Yes, I know, (please overlook my incessant giggling), I know it’s making you think, "Oh my! The Devil runs a city!" Oh pits! Do not be such an ass! Like Lucifer doesn’t have enough to do -- and to worry about.

No, no. I’m sort of another one. And, between us, I’m out of my league. It was just that, well, I wouldn’t be put down. . .and I do not mean that in any figurative mode of the word. Do not misunderstand me, make assumptions, or put words in my mouth! Merely listen, for that is really the only chance you have of staying out.

(And, although I certainly do not mind more. . .guests. . .we’re in a transitional period, and now’s not a good time. And, again, you have likely made an assumption here. When I said "we’re" in a time of "transition," I did not mean to imply that my city is renovating or going through political upheaval -- it never will, I can, with certainty, promise that. Oh yes. To what then was I referring? The Earth. The world around you -- and me to be true -- is changing so rapidly. . .and, from what I hear, there is going to be some astonishing things occurring in the newest millennium. Big plans. I will need to prepare, because, with these occurrences, I am expecting a flood -- oops, bad choice of words -- make that, ooh yes, an "en masse emigration" to Mephistopolis. Trust me, there’ll be nowhere else to go.)

Seriously, you had better make these days count.