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© 1999, 2001 Keith Planit
E-Mail: EdenCross@PlanitReality.com

"ANOTHER DAMNED PRIVATE EYE"

A Short Story for Comics

Written by Keith Planit

PAGE ONE

(1)

This story takes place today, but should have a noirish, '40s feel to it.

Shot of miserable, dank city.

1 CAPTION: 'MIND IF I TELL YOU A STORY?

2 CAPTION: YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD SOB STORIES FROM GUYS LIKE ME BEFORE.

3 CAPTION: I ADMIT, I COME OFF LIKE A STEREOTYPE. I AM ONE. HARD-NOSED P.I. -- SORTA...HAD MY NOSE BROKE MORE THAN ONCE...
(2)Title: "Another Damned Private Eye" and Credits

Typical shot of either the door or window, with the usual eye printed on it and the words "Private Investigator"

4 CAPTION: ...AND I'VE SHOT A GUY FOR IT MORE THAN TWICE.

5 CAPTION: I DEAL WITH CHEATS -- HUSBANDS AND WIVES. THE USUAL MOSTLY. I'VE CRACKED HIGH-PROFILE CASES, DID TALK SHOWS, 'GOT A BOOK DEAL ONCE. WHATEVER.
(3)

Another purposefully typical shot: the P.I. leaning back in his chair at his desk, hat partially covering his face. Although we may not see all this here, he's got an eye-patch, is missing portions of three fingers from his left hand, a scar runs from a sideburn past a mangled earlobe (just the lobe is damaged), and his right leg's slightly shorter than the left.

6 CAPTION: BUT NOW AND THEN, I'LL GET A SORTA' STRANGE CASE.

7 CAPTION: DON'T KNOW HOW I FALL INTO THIS STUFF -- LIKE THE ONE I'M WAITING ON NOW.

8 CAPTION: TELL YA THE TRUTH, I'M A LITTLE SHAKEN BY THESE TWO CLIENTS. AND, UH, BY THE WAY...

PAGE TWO

(1)

1 CAPTION: (top of panel) MY NAME'S EDEN CROSS...

2 CAPTION: AND IF YOU THINK THE WORLD IS GOIN' T'HELL, HAVE YOU GOT ANOTHER THINK COMIN'!
(2)

Eden's standing facing the door, he's probably been happier than he looks at this moment. We do not see who he's talking to.

3 EDEN: WHAT TOOK YOU TWO? I CAN'T JUST HANG HERE FOREVER.

4 CAPTION: I REMEMBER WHEN THEY FIRST CAME IN. A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT. YOU KNOW.
(3)

FLASHBACK:

5 CAPTION: (top of panel) SHE HAD LEGS UP TO HER EARS, AND HER COMPANION WAS BUILT LIKE A BRICK WALL.

Note: as he's talking about two demons, take the above literally (interpret "built like a brick wall" any way you want).

6 CAPTION: THEY'D HEARD OF ME -- WHICH, FRANKLY, MADE ME MORE THAN A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

7 CAPTION: THESE DEMONS MADE AN OFFER I COULDN'T IGNORE -- THOUGH I WANTED TO.
(4)

8 LEGS: IT'S A FUGITIVE...WE NEED A GOOD DETECTIVE, A HUMAN WHO'LL WORK WITH US...OUR OTHER HUMAN PIs ARE --

9 CAPTION: AND ALTHOUGH I DON'T RECALL ALL HER WORDS, I REMEMBER SHE PAUSED JUST THEN...

10 LEGS: -- OTHERWISE OCCUPIED, AND YOU--
(5)

11 CAPTION: AND THIS I WILL NEVER FORGET...

12 LEGS: -- YOU ARE AS CLOSE AS WE GET TO OWNING SOMEONE WITHOUT, WELL, I THINK YOU KNOW.

13 CAPTION: YEAH, SISTER, I KNOW. I AIN'T EXACTLY BEEN AN ANGEL THROUGHOUT MY TOO-LONG LIFE.

14 CAPTION: THE THINGS I'VE DONE (FEW WHICH I'D EVER RECOMMEND) WOULD FILL A BOOK. ANOTHER BOOK THOUGH...

FLASHBACK ENDS.

PAGE THREE
(1)

The demons -- the "brick wall" (named Xwrtss) behind Cross, his hand on Cross' shoulder in a none-too-dainty fashion -- have taken Eden through a portal that's opened at a 45 degree angle off of the floor.

1 CAPTION: SEE, WHEN YOU MESS IN SOME OF THE NASTY STUFF I'VE MESSED IN, CALLIN' SHOTS THAT WEREN'T ALWAYS RIGHT OR FAIR...

2 CAPTION: ...YOU GIVE AWAY A BIT OF YOUR SOUL.
(2)

They're in Hell now, approaching an area of cages and torture devices made -- in part -- of rock formations.

3 CAPTION: SEEMS THE DEUCE HIMSELF, OL' LUCY -- LUCIFER -- HAD DECIDED TO PAY FOR MY SERVICES IN SOULSCRAPS.

4 CAPTION: THE PIECES OF ME LOST DUE TO PAST...DEEDS.
(3)

They've brought him over to a complex-yet-barbaric cage/torture device. The door is open, a piece of torn grayed cloth hangs from a rock or splinter or something. Legs is constantly touching or caressing Eden -- his face, his leg, butt, back, whatever -- throughout the scene. We see pieces of monsterish demon remains scattered about.

5 LEGS: THIS IS WHERE WE WERE HOLDING THE PRISONER.

6 EDEN: MY G-- UH, WHAT...WHAT HAPPENED, WHO WAS HERE?

7 LEGS: DON'T YOU WORRY THAT SWEET HEAD OF YOURS OVER DETAILS. YOU JUST NEED TO PICK UP THE TRAIL AND FIND OUR PROPERTY.
(4)

8 EDEN: I'M NOT A BLOODHOUND! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HE WAS LIKE, SO I CAN DEDU--

9 LEGS: NO. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW. OUR PRISONER NEEDS TO BE FOUND. YOU ARE THE PERSON FOR THE JOB.

10 CAPTION: THE PRISONER: STALIN, RIGHT? NO, BETTER YET, ANOTHER DEMON, ONLY HE EATS ONE-EYED, GAME-LEGGED PIs.
(5)

Close-up of Eden, defeated.

11 EDEN (small): WHAT'VE I DONE TO MY LIFE?

PAGE FOUR

(1)

Eden, back to business; Legs still doing her thing; Xwrtss embarrassed.

1 EDEN: FINE THEN. HOW'D YOUR VICTIM ESCAPE?

2 LEGS: TOLD XWRTSS HERE HE COULD MAKE HIM STRONGER WITH HIS "DIVINE" POWER. XWRTSS BOUGHT IT, AND WAS FOUND HANGING OVER A PIT. OUR OTHER BRETHREN OBLITERATED.

3 LEGS: NOW THAT'S ENOUGH, DEAR. GET TO IT.
(2)

The demons exit. Eden stands over the scene.

4 CAPTION: SO WHATEVER I'M LOOKIN' FOR IS VERY STRONG, MAY HAVE "DIVINE" POWER AND IS SMARTER THAN XWRTSS, ALTHOUGH...

5 CAPTION: HM. BLOOD EVERYWHERE...BUT NOT ON THE TORTURE DEVICES...

6 CAPTION: ...THEY MUST'VE JUST STARTED ON THE GUY...A RELIGIOUS ZEALOT? NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
(3)

Eden wipes his hand along the smooth device where a prisoner would be laid.

7 CAPTION: THERE'S NO SWEAT OR SCRATCHES, NO MARKS WHATSOEVER.

8 CAPTION: HE WASN'T HERE LONG. AND HE'S GOT A HEALTHY HEAD START.
(4)

Eden's taken hold of the cloth.

9 CAPTION: SOFT. VERY SOFT. COULD BE A WOMAN'S SWEATER -- WE TALKIN' AN EVIL FEMME DAMNED TO HELL?

10 CAPTION: EVA BRAUN? TELEVISION EXEC? OL' ROSIE FROM YONKERS? NO, NO, LEGS WOULD'VE CORRECTED ME IF IT WAS A SHE.
(5)

Looking at the landscape before him. There's a huge cave straight ahead, a smaller one over to the side, which he's favoring, and high above is an oval-shaped cave (these could be mountains, rock-formations...whatever).

11 CAPTION: OKAY, NOW WHERE WOULD I RUN TO?

12 CAPTION: Ah...WELL, THIS'LL BE A PIECE OF--

PAGE FIVE

(1)

Something shiny on the ground catches Eden's eye.

1 EDEN: $*@!! WHAT...IS...THIS?
(2)

He's picked up a single, shiny strand of hair from the ground -- it almost seems to glow.

2 CAPTION: THIS...AIN'T PROMISING.
(3)

Now inside the cage, he's running his finger across a section of the wall or bars (maybe we can see the small cave he WAS gonna head into in the background).

3 CAPTION: HM. NOT SOOT. IT'S...(SIGH) DUST.

4 CAPTION: ...CHANGES EVERYTHING!
(4)

A long-shot of Eden climbing to that oval-shaped cave (rocks/wall shouldn't be too steep considering his handicaps), away from the other two caves.

5 CAPTION: I START GETTING THOSE PHANTOM PAINS, AND I FEEL ILL.
(5)

Inside the cave, he's crouched down -- sweaty, dirty -- heading further in. The wide but low mouth leads into a larger area.

6 CAPTION: I'll FIND 'IM SOON ENOUGH...HAS IT BEEN HOURS OR DAYS?...

7 CAPTION: I'VE BEEN ON A CONSTANT INCLINE. NO DEMONS, FIRES, SCREAMS -- NUTHIN'. 'OBVIOUS THE MONSTROSITIES IN THIS WASTELAND WANT TO KEEP THEMSELVES AS FAR DOWN AS POSSIBLE...
(6)

He's walked into the open area. It's vast and high and seemingly unending.

8 CAPTION: . . .MORE SUPERSTITION THAN ANYTHING ELSE, I'D SAY...IT'S NOT LIKE HEAVEN'S THE NEXT TOWN OVER, ER, UP.

PAGE SIX

(1)

Walking through the cave, he's looking straight ahead.

1 CAPTION: KEEPING ONESELF HIGH AND HIDDEN IS A SMART MOVE, BUT THEY SAY ALWAYS HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT, DON'T THEY.

2 CAPTION: IN NEW YORK, YOU OR I WOULD GET LOST AMONGST THE CROWDS.
(2)

Another shot of our P.I. A feather has floated past him.

3 CAPTION: BUT IF YOU'RE THE TYPE WHO STANDS OUT, WELL, HECK...

4 CAPTION: NOBODY EVER LOOKS...UP!
(3)

Larger shot now, there's an angel, high above, trying desperately to hide behind some rocks; the halo and wings and golden head of hair give him away. Eden has drawn his gun on him.

5 CAPTION: DAMN. FOUND 'IM.
(4)

The hammer's going back on the pistol.

6 CAPTION: WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE...I THINK I'M GONNA' BE DOWN HERE A LONG, LONG TIME.

PAGE SEVEN

(1)

Note: the first three panels can be straight across the top, maybe as a polyptych

Eden, who looks a total wreck at this point, is escorting the angel back to the torture area. A wing is bleeding.

1 EDEN: 'YOU OKAY? DOES IT HURT?

The angel doesn't respond.
(2)

2 EDEN: WHY'RE YOU DOWN HERE?...CAPTURED? KIDNAPPED?

The angel doesn't respond.
(3)

3 EDEN (joking): SPYING ON THE ENEMY?

The angel raises an eyebrow to this.
(4)

4 EDEN: I'M SORRY, BUT, I-- I HAD TO. I'M SAVING MY SOUL.

5 ANGEL (SMALL): MM. THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
(5)

Legs and Xwrtss, both excited, are by the cage as the angel is being pushed in.

6 LEGS: YOU DID THE MOST WONDERFUL JOB, MY PRIVATE DICK!

7 ANGEL (TO EDEN): LUCKILY, I CANNOT HARM YOU. SADLY, THEY CAN'T HOLD ME.

8 LEGS: HE HOPES! BETWEEN YOU AND I...
(6)

Now, close on both...she's whispering in his ear. Eden is expressionless but is looking away from Legs, the Angel & Xwrtss

8 LEGS: ...YOU'VE MADE ENOUGH FRIENDS HERE, TO GET YOU...UP THERE. YOU EARNED MANY SOULSCRAPS.

9 EDEN: ...

10 CAPTION: HELL HAS SAVED MY SOUL...FOR A HEAVEN WHICH WON'T WANT IT. GUESS THIS STEREOTYPE FINALLY BROKE THE MOLD.

11 EDEN: KEEP THE "SCRAPS." JUST-- JUST GET ME HOME.

E-Mail: EdenCross@PlanitReality.com
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